A word of warning for you, my friends.
I am feeling quite abstract today.

It grips your brain tightly and squeezes, the wander lust of your newly chosen career dripping sweetly into your stomach as you reconsider certain decisions. Should I have quit my career so suddenly? Perhaps I shouldn’t eat pickled things at bars. Damn, I was so hungry. Twisting, your stomach struggles to understand what a horrible mechanism your brain actually is - and spicy potato-chip bag now at your side, the thing looks at it’s own tail, smiles, and starts to constrict. You had thought about this the last time you were at a movie, or in a restaurant perhaps. Your guests laughing away, while you stare directly into the middle-distance and wonder how their maws can gape so large while you’re in personal turmoil. Do they not know? Surely they’re under the command of some horrible brain disorder. People just seem happier while things tighten all around you. Light isn’t as bright as it once was, and your creamed corn just sits there so smug. Creamed corn doesn’t have a job. It just sits there - laughing at you. All it has to do is be eaten, then shat. …Continue reading »

In an effort to quell the combined angst I can almost smell emanating from the skulls of the five or six of you loyal fans who continually update your feeds and check the website for new material, I decided I should create a new chaptisode and illuminate you. I’ve also decided that chocolate filled pop-tarts cannot be distilled into explosives, but I decide a lot of things when I nearly lose a finger. Have no worries my blessed cadre, for my love for you remains as strong and throbbing as it ever was, and shall never waver as long as you promise to keep the spice flowing - for as we know, the spice must flow. I’ve been doing a lot lately in the world of freelancing, meaning I’ve been using computer programs to combine color and shape, then in their union I deliver them to the world wide internets, then I’m paid American cash dollars bills for my gray craft. I would love …Continue reading »

You’ve probably noticed the lack of updates in the past several months.

You’ve probably also noticed how well my ass looks in these pants… thank you for noticing.

I’ve been instructed, or as I like to call it, “threatened” to put up something telling you all that there will be more episodes in the future.  Life is a little crazy right now with work, life, and the several elderly men whom play dominos in my kitchen every night.  They drink all my scotch and won’t leave.

How can I make them leave? 

Shadows from the Delivery Man’s heels licked the floorboards of the dimly lit hallway as his nervousness rose, click-clacking towards the two giant wooden doors. Beads of sweat dropped everywhere, this didn’t add to his worry as today was one of the black suits in his rotation - but more-so that the sweat making it’s way down his ass made his nervous farts sound like a penny whistle. Click-clack were his heels and with a screech his feet came together a yard away from the doors. Arrived - destination, reached. With his free hand, the one not hand-cuffed to a briefcase, he wiped the moisture from his forehead and pulled open one of the doors. A blast of heat and tobacco smoke engulfed him, hugged every part of his body trying to coerce his stomach to paint the floor with a rainbow. The room was large, fixed …Continue reading »

I’ve been on a zen sort of mission to kick my stress lately, which I’m sure is pretty apparent from both my writing, and the photos of me on the internet with a bald head, wearing a diaper, and playing with what looks like chicken bones. Regardless of how I choose to spend my time behind the alley of a baptist church, I’ve been focusing heavily on removing as much stress, fear, doubt, panic, and uncertainty as I can from my life and business so I don’t bleed out from my stomach and die young. I’ve recently finished the 1948 book by Dale Carnagie, “How to Stop Worrying, and Start Living” - and I’m prepping myself for a second run through it’s wonderful pages dripping with stress free living methodology. Something Dale does in the book is ask a number of seemingly stress-free people the question, “How do you eliminate worry?” then record and then rhapsodize on the topic …Continue reading »

I’ve been thinking. I know that’s a complicated statement, since those who know me personally are aware that when I say “thinking”, I actually mean “fell asleep on a pile of oily rags and now I’m wearing nothing but a bow-tie claiming that I’m the President of the ocean”. Whatever you’d like to call it, my brain has once again been active it’s its firing of tiny electrical what not’s between the synapses gray matter brain mush skull casing frontal lobe what-have-you’s. I’ve been thinking about my stress lately, how I deal with that stress, and what stress has done to me mentally and physically. Stress in the freelance business is almost a guarantee - no matter who you are. It just so happens that each of us deal with stress in our own quirky ways. Some of us have breakdowns and pull out our hair. Some of us develop horrible stomach ulcers. Then there are those of us who bottle that stress up deep inside, leaving it in a quite and abused …Continue reading »

I address you, the loyal YSAWD cadre. You too, the guy in the back with the… is that a, it looks like a grapefruit. Did you bring a grapefruit? Oh okay…. no… a big orange. I see, no I thought… okay.

I know I’ve been absent lately, but finding time to conduct my personal life, run my business, write for this website, and mask my moonlighting career of video taping bum fights takes a lot out of me. This will mark week three without a new article, and while few of you may read this (as the majority of you subscribe via iTunes) - I thought I’d toss out an idea here and see what happens.

I’d like to offer up a call for submissions for YSAWD - articles to be published right on this here very websiteatron.

Here’s how it works:

1.) You write an article, read it to yourself and make sure it’s at least a 7-20 minute read.

2.) The topic can be anything freelance or web / technology design related - and it can be fiction if you’d like.

3.) If you’re having trouble fitting the theme of YSAWD, listen or read to the past episodes here.

6.) Congratulate yourself and go get a mocha. Tip well.

7.) You use the contact form on this website to submit your article to me. If you want your work posted here, it cannot be published anywhere else.

8.) If I like it - I’ll post it here on the website. If I super-duper-like it, I’ll narrate it for one of the weekly episodes.

9.) No, you won’t get paid now, or ever for this work, and it becomes assimilated into the YSAWD universe. Hey, I don’t get paid for this stuff either.

10.) If you don’t hear back from me, do not take it personally. It just means your article was garbage and I hate you and your face.

11.) Before anything is posted, I’ll be getting in touch with you to get your final approval to do so, and you’ll be credited in the text / audio that it’s a work by you and you alone.

There you have it, my half-assed attempt to keep you happy for when I have some down time. There should be a new tasty article next week, so send in those submissions, tell your friends, take your hand off my leg, and have fun!

Joy!

I’ve been a web design freelancer for a few years now, and I’ve been in the business for even more of said years, and I’ve continually been plagued by a simple question rolling around in my brain-pan, as I sit in this hospital bed after swallowing a hand full of nickels for the promise to meet James Earl Jones. While it was a bad investment on my part, it gave me time to think about this magic question and contemplate the answer before my toes fall off from blood poisoning. The question is this - “what exactly does that freelancer guy do for a living”? It’s a complex rubix cube brain fart of a question, as these people could probably give me a solid answer to my face - but I’d still be there with an furrowed look trying explain why I’m standing in their living room at two in the morning wearing nothing but yellow galoshes. …Continue reading »

I’ve had my MacBook Pro for several months now, and the more and more I use it the more and more I love the computer itself, the Macintosh operating system, and the taste of a sweet Georgia peach while I’m rocking in my chair and surveying all of my land. I run a software called Parallels on the MacBook that allows me to have Microsoft Windows on the machine as well, so I can run programs in a PC environment where necessary for my business or personal projects. These projects range from anything like using Photoshop for some design work, to swirling around in a multi-colored toilet bowl …Continue reading »

You just woke up. No really, you just did. You just woke up and after a hearty scratching of your places-most-private; you start the coffee maker and sit patiently as it brews its magical black deliciousness into the pot, or carafe if you’re a fancy fancy pants. Oooh, look at it – look at that coffee. That is your life blood, your sweet nectar to power those phalanges and get your day cooking. You’re going to drink that coffee, drink it long and hard and you’re going to buzz on a cloud of caffeine abuse and chemical dependency. You’re sitting down now in front of your computer, you’ve turned on the monitor, you’ve got your favorite sweatpants on, and you’ve made a vow to keep the pornography to a manageable level today. Your e-mail is open …Continue reading »